In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
