She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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