Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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