Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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