That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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