i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
