Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mom said you looked used
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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