i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
