Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
