why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
