god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize