No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
