You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
