She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
