just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
