Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
