So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
