I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
