Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
