so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
