You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
