my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize