Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
