take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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