I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
