The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i drank out of a bidet.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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