Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
