My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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