I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
