I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
