you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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