fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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