the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
