I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You can't special order awesome
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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