what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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