apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
