He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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