Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
