what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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