Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize