can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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