Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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