Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
