Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All the doctor said was why
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
