I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
