my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
