You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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