If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
