R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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