I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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