Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
