Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize