dude i'm inner monologue high
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize