proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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