I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
