nut hugger
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
