Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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