Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
