Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
