HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
