The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We were destined to go to rehab together
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize