forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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