I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
