nut hugger
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
time to smoke my breakfast
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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