She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
