Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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