bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
