found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
