Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he high fived his dick after we had sex
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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