Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
