alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
