i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i came on her dog
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
