You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
