i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
