I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
